watch out we got a bitch alert
the lord and savior kanye west
Sonic 3d blast
Sonic was a blast to play. The last gay man involved in this game was a dog name Jerry. HERRY IS A FUCKING DRUG DEALER DON’T LOSTEN TO HOM. Sonic is part of the wolf gang in this game but what the fuck he doesn’t interact with anything but a fucking dumbass bird clique. Attention all star games new move by your god. SONDOW commands you to suck his cold cocky wonky. Overall I’m not a fan of this world. This sonic world. WIGHLE THAT DING DONG SONIC. Gucci. Welcome to the herd guck Scillonian dillo he’s a fuckibg nuance ranting about nuance. Sonic 3d is a rant filled game full of cliched clothes stop this shot right now.
SONIC 3d was a blast to play. A FUCKING 3D BLAST
U fucking bitch
tonite wer’e going to address serious issues that need to be addressed. popular debate in the sonic community is this: IS KNUCKLES BLACK?
well ALL STAR gamers, it’s time to dive in and find out truth of everyones favorite enchilada
KNUCKLES LACKS THE BLACK (a thesis)
look, i know a lot of you are like knuckles is fucking tougher than leather hes gotta be a nigga. fuck you fuck you fuck you. knuckles is white, and i will hear no difference. lets look at the evidence for his blackness
KNUCKLES listens to (C)RAP music
hahahahha holy shit first let me tell you a funny ass comment i saw on youtube. music is like candy take out the rappers HAAHAHAH! ok but srs time. knuckles listens to rap and takes on the persona of a rappist, but lets be real here. knuckles listens to backpacker shit. knuckles listens to rap about fucking germs (wild canyon) and the holocaust (death chamber). this isnt 50 cent shit we’re dealing with. the only people who listen to this shit are white kids anyway as we know SEGA corporatation designed Sonic with WHITE kids in mind
KNUCKLES steals shit
Ok so yeah he stole sonics emeralds and tails virginity (more on that later) but look knuckles fucking owns those gems. and that shit aint no louis vuitton gucci shit that was pure yohji yamamoto shit knuckles took. black people don’t fucking like that shit. Knuckles got his shoes from the Y-3 brand you know? he ain’t fucking wearing air jordans. THE NIKE SWOOSH ON HIS CHEST IS IRONIC RETARDS. knuckles loves irony.
KNUCKLES is stupid
KNUCKLES is gullible, not stupid. He has responsibilities. BLACK PEOPLE DON’T HAVE RESPONSIBILITIES holy shit wait what.
KNUCKLES’ favorite food is grapes
ok now this is getting a bit silly SEGA corporation. i dont know my grandma likes grapes sometimes damn.
PROOF THAT KNUCKLES IS WHITE
sonic is clearly white. we’ve established this. he listens to cock rock and shit. only white kids listen to crush 40. only nerds listen to crush 40. only sonic fans listen to crush 40. only jun senoue listens to crush 40.
nobody listens to crush 40.
So, if sonic is white, and knuckles is black, HOW DA FUCK CAN SONIC JUMP HIGHER THAN KNUCKLES? HAHA RHETORICAL QUESTION BITCHES KNUCKLES IS WHITE. AINT NO CRACKER EVER JUMPIN HIGHER THAN A NIGZ. knuckles is fucking white. so white he can’t even jump over steps in marble garden zone hahahahah what a queer.
and this ends tonights potentially offensive review. TOMORROW WE TAKE ON THE WORLD with SONIC DRIFT (more ultra violent horse shit). i hope you enjoyed reading this essay as much as i did writing.
YOU WILL LOVE: HIGH SPEED CHASE SEQUENCE, ROBOTNIK DONG
YOU WILL HATE: tails bein a bitch
WATCH OUT KNUCKLES IS NOT A FUCKING NEGRO
this game can be described with two wiords. SILLY BILLY. a fan favorite in the sonic community, meaner beaner machiner offers some good memories. match the colors up! you got to fite SCRATCH AND GROUNDER from GLORIOUS television series! this game reeks of smells that will get you saying QQUEWWWEF!!
robotnik hates jews.
COUNT YOUR: LUCKY STARS
AND BY THAT I MEAN: YOUR STARS OF DAVID
WARNING SONDOW BLOG DOES NOT SUPPORT ROBERT ROBONICKS VIEWS OF THE JEWISH COMMUNITY. ROBOTNIK IS A SICK FILTHY MAN. ALL STAR GAMERS TAKE NOTE.
Sonic spinballs puts a new SPIN on balls. the best part about this game is how you will very likely never see anything past the first screen because this game is fucking impossibleSPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT
SPECIAL ANNOUCEMENT ATTENTION HEROES
recent reports have determined that there MIGHT be a correlation between everyone’s lovable blue wonder SONIC THE HEDGEHOG and Nickelodeon’s gone but not forgotten gem JETCAT.
let’s look at the facts children. Sonic the Hedgehog is a cat, and so is JetCat. They both have a kewl IDC attitude that appeals to real 90’s kids. Sonic is fast, JetCat is probably pretty fast too.
Rumor around town is that JetCat is actually the precursor of Sonic. Youji Naka was afraid of how the public might react to a cat that is not only totally radical, but also has a jetpack. THis deeply disturbed him. SEGA, being the lying decieving playboys that they are, said “MR NAKA, IF YOU DO NOT REMOVE THAT JET FROM THAT CAT RIGHT NOW, YOU WILL BE FORCIBLY REMOVED FROM THIS COMPANY”. Naka, in a way to get back at SEGA, decided to slip in hidden references to JetCat throughout the franchises. If you hold Sonic Spinball’s game box up to the light, you will see JetCat’s HIGH SPEED attituded face.
JetCat was eventually given a SERIOUS EMMY contending short show on Nickelodeon’s Ka_BLAM!! to relieve suspicion that the two were ever connected. However, true 90’s kids know the truth.
CHALLENGES AWAIT YOU IN: CONTROLLING SONIC AND GETTING HIM UP THAT SHAFT IN MAD POWERHOUSE FACTORY
DEMISE AWAITS YOU IN: THE ONCOMING DAYS
SONIC SPINBALL IS FOR TRUE 90’S KIDS ONLY
Sonic CD is a shit stain on the industry. It’s hard to say that because I really pine to love sonic CD. Sonic CD features high-speed platform action with Luke Galloupes galore. Unfortunately sonic CD does not feature a soul. Instead it insists to incorporate homosexual tendency between the cast. In a Freudian nightmare we are exposed to sonic and robotniks rocky relationship. Each character struggles in a major way. Sonic must come to grips with his homo tendencies. He tries to distance himself from such by saving BOUNTIFUL VAGINA PUSSY. Amy rose is pink and so is VAGINA. The ending of sonic cd shows Amy rose amorously hugging with sonic. Yet sonic continues to look forward his sprite still in the ready to go position. Life does not change. Sonic is still homosexual. BUT WHY DOES VAGINA LOVE SONIC?
Robotnik is also dealing with zealous health issues. He is in love with sonic. He assembles a sexdoll to relieve the stress of closeted homotendencies. It is why he hates sonic so much. However metal sonic (built from metal because robotnik was circumcised and regrets it because now he can not derive TRUE HIGH SPEED PLEASURE everything is lifeless) is sentient and wishes for affection• he tries to kill sonic so he can steal his skin. Robotnik tries to stop this with a laser gun.
Despite the games fun I cannot recommend as the ALL STAR gamer lifestyle does not condone such acts as sodomy.
WATCH OUT FOR: KEWL BOSS BATTLES, REMIX MUSIX
THEY WILL NEVER: BRING BACK KENAL AND KEL
WARNING SONIC CD SUPPORTS DONGS
sonic 2 was the first game to embace the informational super highway. it came out in an era where teenagers were desensitized to the ultra violence. because of this, SEGA knew they could get away with more. WARNING ULTRA VIOLENCE IS PROMINENT.
sonic 2 takes place before our imminent death. the play is the same, except sonic can perform COOL EXCITING NEW SUPER SONIKKU SPINDASH. implementation by the executives at SEGA to help promote the corporate evil. do not be fooled ALL STAR gamers. Sonic 2 is no better than sonic 1, despite what gamesradar will tell you. Sonic is the piss that ebbs into the urine river that is the game industry. Sonic’s adoration is criminal deception.
tails makes his HIGH SPPED DEBUT. tails distracts sonic from his goal. robotniks attitude remains unchanged.
CHANGES WORTH LOOKING OUT FOR: 2 PLAYER MODE DOUBLES THE FUN, SILVER SONIC BOSS FIGHT DEMANDS CHALLENGE
COUNTRIES WORTH DYING FOR: THE HILL TOP ZONE, AQUATIC RUINS
SONIC 2 IS A POSTERBOY FOR FILTH
a hardly acceptable title. in 1991 the times were changing, the songs were new, and the videogames must change as well. sonic is founded off evil corporate principals which are visible at first glance. sonic thrives off its ultra violence. ALL STAR gamers beware, sonic is not for your fans. while there are many collectables and points in this game, the filth you must subject yourself to is not worth the trouble of such.
vanillas are plenty in this game. don’t aCCept substitutions, these are top cut choices. sonic will fight many baddies, but his means of doing so are ultra violent. you will be shell shocked when playing the blue blurs buzzy title.
sonic 1 was rumored to be bundled with a sega genesis and heroin. i am not very sure of the sega genesis part. SEGA lives to decieve ALL STAR gamers, and turn the video game industry into filth. Orwellian nightmares abound in the world of sonic. all cannot be addressed.
is this game for fans? no. this game is terrifying. there are only so many lives we can spend on video games. Sonic 1 is one that must be forgotten.
CHECK OUT FUN LEVELS: GREEN HILL ZONE, STARLIGHT ZONE
NOT SO FUN PARTS: ROBOTNIKS NOT SO COOL ATTITUDE
WARNING SONIC THE HEDGEHOG IS VIRTUAL REALITY